I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
