we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
