my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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