Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
