is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
