she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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