garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
