The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
