OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
