you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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