I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
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