Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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