Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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