I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
two words: eviction party
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
