I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
my sisters under your porch take her home
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
