i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
