Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
