I think i peed on brittanys purse
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
