what day is it and did you see me today?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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