You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I could fuck to npr.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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