He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
