Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
