never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize