whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
