I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
