she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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