I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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