Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
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The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
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He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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