So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
