People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
