Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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