walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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