just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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