I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
