he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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