Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
