I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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