I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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