It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
