I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
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You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
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I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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