You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
