Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
