my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
