I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
