Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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