so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Come on in and take your pants off
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