So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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