its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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