in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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