Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
