Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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