Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
