we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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