I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just found a bag of teeth...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
