Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
