i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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