Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
