Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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