All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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