I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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