So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
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