We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
