We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
