i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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