Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
