How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
