I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
